Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
