All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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