Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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