My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
