seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
