I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
