she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
