this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
