I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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