After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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