Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
