Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she peed on how many people?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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