He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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