so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
