you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The uberlube is also flammable
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
