I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
