So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
