Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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