her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
