In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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