we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
