He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
