OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
How does one acquire holy water?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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