You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
