Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I want her autograph on my taint
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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