If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
