For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
