you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
