I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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