Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
