Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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