we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
