have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
