seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
