dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
