Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
there was a trapeze. enough said
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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