WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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