He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
