no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
