I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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