Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
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He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
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I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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