Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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