I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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