Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
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We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
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Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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