No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
