i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
