Welp...herpes.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
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