quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
