Whod you bang
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
