when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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