i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
