i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
