I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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