dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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