Can i not drive my cunt home
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
