I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
