Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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