i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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