dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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