She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
