saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
