Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
