and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
