I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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