Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
