I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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