you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
