In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
