come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
