i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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