Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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