new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
