That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
