I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
