I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
