lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Everyone says I win the strip club
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
