So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
